i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
