let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
