I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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