hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I wish there were birth control emojis
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
