i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she pinky promised me she was 18
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
