So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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