Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The power of my boobs compel you
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
