Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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