Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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