i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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