I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I need moral support for this bender
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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