i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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