Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize