I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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