Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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