Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
