It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
