Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
