I love black thongs
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
