I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
