Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize