I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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