i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
