3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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