Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
