when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
