She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
