Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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