Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
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