my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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