so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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