His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
