whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
