I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Everything about him screamed your future.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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