It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
