Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Sober January is a disaster.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
