it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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