did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Even my vagina gasped.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
