The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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