Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize