she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
