oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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