Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My vagina just clenched in fear
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
