gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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