remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
