Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
