I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
