OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize