so let's talk penis.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
