What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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