Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
