Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
