I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
