I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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