i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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