God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
