tell your sister to shave her snatch
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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