i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
