my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
