It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
