shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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