Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
