I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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