Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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