i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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