Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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